I have been working away during the week while i work on this film - staying in a flat in Edinburgh with Lindsay and Ashley who i work with. Although work is very important to me and i really do love my job as a Production Manager, my home life is so important to me.
I arrived home on saturday with a terrible hangover having been out with some of the crew and the producers on the friday night and i feel so bad that i wasted a precious evening in my own home with my boyfriend and animals by being hungover! So stupid. Anyway i feel better today and have caught up with all of my animals (and of course my boyfriend) but head off to Edinburgh again tomorrow at 5am and won't be home till saturday night.
I know i need to do this to maintain the lifestyle that i have and need to work to look after all my animals (8 sheep, 12 chickens, 5 geese, 2 turkeys and 3 cats, and of course the lovely boyfriend!) but working away is not easy as i just slip into 24/7 work when i am away which in away is good because i can just concentrate on work but when i get home its hard to switch back into relaxed mode.
Its a bit like left and right brain switching, it can be hard although easier the more you practice.
My next job is in Glasgow so although it will be hard work at least i get to come home every night and for me that is what keeps me grounded. Being at home at the Wadlin surrounded by green land, the trees and animals.
So you may not hear much from me in the next 3 weeks as we start filming tomorrow and don't finish until 20th May but i will try to update my blog as much as i can.
suz
xxxx
Sunday, 29 April 2012
Saturday, 21 April 2012
Leaving the past behind
Is it easy to leave the past behind? I would have said that i am good at that as i have stayed reasonably well balanced throughout my life even considering my childhood but while i say this i still carry with me enormous grief for my little sister who died when i was 12 and she was 6. So why do i carry this grief and find it hard to talk about my sister without crying - is it because i found her dead in her bed? or is it just that grief stays with us all our lives but no one really talks about it so we don't really know how people feel? Whereas i will discuss my little sisters death - i have always been able to talk about it, always in floods of tears though, and can still see everything that happened playing in my head like a film.
I keep getting messages that i need to leave this grief behind - she died 30 years ago - and i listen to these messages and everyday i work to lighten this grief and through my last 2 years of spiritual healing i am certainly better than i have been - i can discuss my sister or even type this blog without crying which is a huge step forward.
On my colour therapy course last week our teacher read my aura and he described seeing a torquoise band of colour come down over my right shoulder and tighten like a fist around my heart. Whats interesting about the colour is for some reason i always associate my little sister with this colour - i don't know why but as soon as he said this i knew it was another message to let go of the grief i hold in my heart for the loss of my little sister. She is telling me i have to move on.
I think my fear of leaving my grief behind is because i have always felt my little sister is with me and i have felt this since the day she died so if i let go of my grief am i letting go of her so she is not with me any more? Its really selfish isn't it - how can her spirit move on if i hold her so close to my heart?
So i think now i have learnt how to heal the past whilst doing my Reiki 2 its time to use my newly learned Reiki sign of Hon Sha Ze Sho Nen to send it to mine and my family's past to help us all move on and leave this grief behind. So i plan to meditate and use the Hon Sha Ze Sho Nen symbol as a bridge and ask my little sister to join me on the bridge where we can walk together to the other side and we can hug each, tell each other we love each other and then let her spirit move on, i will then cross back over the bridge leaving my grief behind - well that is my plan anyway. Will let you know if it works.
suz
xxx
I keep getting messages that i need to leave this grief behind - she died 30 years ago - and i listen to these messages and everyday i work to lighten this grief and through my last 2 years of spiritual healing i am certainly better than i have been - i can discuss my sister or even type this blog without crying which is a huge step forward.
On my colour therapy course last week our teacher read my aura and he described seeing a torquoise band of colour come down over my right shoulder and tighten like a fist around my heart. Whats interesting about the colour is for some reason i always associate my little sister with this colour - i don't know why but as soon as he said this i knew it was another message to let go of the grief i hold in my heart for the loss of my little sister. She is telling me i have to move on.
I think my fear of leaving my grief behind is because i have always felt my little sister is with me and i have felt this since the day she died so if i let go of my grief am i letting go of her so she is not with me any more? Its really selfish isn't it - how can her spirit move on if i hold her so close to my heart?
So i think now i have learnt how to heal the past whilst doing my Reiki 2 its time to use my newly learned Reiki sign of Hon Sha Ze Sho Nen to send it to mine and my family's past to help us all move on and leave this grief behind. So i plan to meditate and use the Hon Sha Ze Sho Nen symbol as a bridge and ask my little sister to join me on the bridge where we can walk together to the other side and we can hug each, tell each other we love each other and then let her spirit move on, i will then cross back over the bridge leaving my grief behind - well that is my plan anyway. Will let you know if it works.
suz
xxx
Wednesday, 18 April 2012
Sorry i am missing in action! my left brain is taking over and my right brain is struggling to push through! I am up to my eyes in work on the film i am on and this week is technical recces so my head is filled with information of equipment and crew that need to be sorted. I have just completed my 3rd part of my colour therapy course which was brilliant but i will have to fill you in later this week when i get a bit of brain space and kick my right brain into action!
suz
xxx
suz
xxx
Saturday, 7 April 2012
Its hard to be truthful especially when you know it will hurt....
So how to you tell someone that they are not doing the best for their Pets? Those of you who know me will know that I am not backwards in coming forwards especially when it comes to animal health and treatment but how do i respond when its a neighbour! I torture myself about the best words to say and then just blurt out those words to the animal guardian and then cry in private!!
My neighbours 2 horses escaped from their field on Friday and i found them in my field. i got up at 7am and heading off to the loo when i heard the snorting noise of a horse so looked out the window to see the two ponies from the big house so immediately got dressed and coaxed the two wee cuties into my stables - i tried to put the wee boy into one stall but as soon as i shut the door so he was separated form his pal he started going off his head so i opened the door and let them both be together and just shut the main door to the stables and then went off to track down the owner.
Little did i know that the ponies escaping was due to a burglary at the big house so as i headed up to the big house and discovered one of the doors wide open I didn't realise i was going to be the witness to the aftermath of a burglary - and at the point where i knocked on the door to the house and waited for the horse owners to answer i had no idea that they had been broken into and at that point neither did they! I just assumed they were up early and about but in fact they were all in their beds but the side door to the house was wide open.
So without the knowledge that there had been a break in the big house owner came to pick up his horses from my stables. Now i had noticed when i lead them into the stables that the cute wee male had really badly over grown feet - not something that was a little bit out of control but something that was at least a year since it had been seen too. He looks healthy except for this but this kind of treatment is unacceptable - horses need to have clean happy hoofs and his definitely were not, so i had decided i would say something but when the door was answered i couldn't find the words so i walked away and up the hill to my house berating myself for being such a coward - then the owner came and as he struggled to open the stable door i knew i had to just go and say some thing so off i went and with a friendly face i helped him open the stable door and as he lead the first pony away i just blurted out 'the wee man desperately needs his feet seeing to' - god knows why i went so Scottish in that moment but it doesn't matter as i said those words and the owner turned to me and said 'oh yes he is getting sorted on monday' - now i would love to say that his owner was being honest but he was being too defensive and tried to hold eye contact for a tad too long. So what do i do? I don't think this poor boy is going to get seen too so as i mull over my options and shed a few tears for this wee cutie who just needs a bit of help i hear that the big house has been broken into and some stuff has been stolen.
Is it terrible that my first reaction was that if they have just been broken into then there is no chance that the pony will actually be seen to on Monday? well we will wait and see but my friend who is due to look after the ponies from next week is going to keep an eye on them and offer the services of her farrier if necessary. The thing is i would happily pay the money to have the ponys feet fixed if it was money that was the problem but these people live in a house that is currently up for sale for £1.2m so you sort of hope that they will have the money to look after the animals they have?!
i will of course let you know how both ponies get on but the lesson i think is always to speak up - if i hadn't i think my worry would have eaten me up. but i told the owner i was concerned about the feet and his defensive response showed that he cared and actually knew the feet were a problem - and it must have been awful to have someone point this out - i would have been completely mortified if someone had said that to me about one of my animals. I really hope he does something as i will call a rescue organisation if i have to - it will be a horrible thing to do but my priority has always been for the animal not the human. I am sorry if that is hard to understand but as Lady Gaga says I WAS BORN THIS WAY - and i wouldn't change that for the world.
suz
xxx
My neighbours 2 horses escaped from their field on Friday and i found them in my field. i got up at 7am and heading off to the loo when i heard the snorting noise of a horse so looked out the window to see the two ponies from the big house so immediately got dressed and coaxed the two wee cuties into my stables - i tried to put the wee boy into one stall but as soon as i shut the door so he was separated form his pal he started going off his head so i opened the door and let them both be together and just shut the main door to the stables and then went off to track down the owner.
Little did i know that the ponies escaping was due to a burglary at the big house so as i headed up to the big house and discovered one of the doors wide open I didn't realise i was going to be the witness to the aftermath of a burglary - and at the point where i knocked on the door to the house and waited for the horse owners to answer i had no idea that they had been broken into and at that point neither did they! I just assumed they were up early and about but in fact they were all in their beds but the side door to the house was wide open.
So without the knowledge that there had been a break in the big house owner came to pick up his horses from my stables. Now i had noticed when i lead them into the stables that the cute wee male had really badly over grown feet - not something that was a little bit out of control but something that was at least a year since it had been seen too. He looks healthy except for this but this kind of treatment is unacceptable - horses need to have clean happy hoofs and his definitely were not, so i had decided i would say something but when the door was answered i couldn't find the words so i walked away and up the hill to my house berating myself for being such a coward - then the owner came and as he struggled to open the stable door i knew i had to just go and say some thing so off i went and with a friendly face i helped him open the stable door and as he lead the first pony away i just blurted out 'the wee man desperately needs his feet seeing to' - god knows why i went so Scottish in that moment but it doesn't matter as i said those words and the owner turned to me and said 'oh yes he is getting sorted on monday' - now i would love to say that his owner was being honest but he was being too defensive and tried to hold eye contact for a tad too long. So what do i do? I don't think this poor boy is going to get seen too so as i mull over my options and shed a few tears for this wee cutie who just needs a bit of help i hear that the big house has been broken into and some stuff has been stolen.
Is it terrible that my first reaction was that if they have just been broken into then there is no chance that the pony will actually be seen to on Monday? well we will wait and see but my friend who is due to look after the ponies from next week is going to keep an eye on them and offer the services of her farrier if necessary. The thing is i would happily pay the money to have the ponys feet fixed if it was money that was the problem but these people live in a house that is currently up for sale for £1.2m so you sort of hope that they will have the money to look after the animals they have?!
i will of course let you know how both ponies get on but the lesson i think is always to speak up - if i hadn't i think my worry would have eaten me up. but i told the owner i was concerned about the feet and his defensive response showed that he cared and actually knew the feet were a problem - and it must have been awful to have someone point this out - i would have been completely mortified if someone had said that to me about one of my animals. I really hope he does something as i will call a rescue organisation if i have to - it will be a horrible thing to do but my priority has always been for the animal not the human. I am sorry if that is hard to understand but as Lady Gaga says I WAS BORN THIS WAY - and i wouldn't change that for the world.
suz
xxx
Tuesday, 3 April 2012
Missing in Action... and Reiki 2 - what a responsibility but in a good way!
Sorry i have been missing in action - since i headed down south to do my Reiki 2 attunement with my amazing friends Bronia and Emma i have been completely flat out and also coming to terms with the new Reiki symbols, the energy and also the responsibility that comes with the symbols. The film i am on just now is also getting busier and i am staying away from home during the week so i think a combination off all of this has thrown me out of my routine of sharing my healing experiences with you all.
So Reiki 2nd Degree - this is practitioner level which means i can charge a client for my services. The funny thing about all of the therapies i am now qualified to work in and charge for i haven't charged a thing for yet. I just don't believe that this is why i have been sent on this journey. I believe there is another purpose for all of my spiritual learning and qualifying in so many therapies - is it my learning and healing myself or is there a bigger picture that i am just not seeing yet? I don't know but i am loving the learning and how it makes me feel and think. Reiki is a way of using the amazing Universal energy that is around us - Rei means Universal and Ki means Life Force Energy and the different levels allow you to get used to using this amazing tool that we can all access. Reiki 1st Degree was an attunement that got you used to feeling the energy but you don't get any of the symbols to use at this point although i was lucky enough that my sister shared the power symbol with me which i use for protection. Reiki 2nd Degree you are given 3 symbols which i will explain more about in another blog as i need to take the time to explain how each of them work and also how they can all be used together.
I feel blessed to be attuned to Reiki 2nd Degree and now can feel the energy much more strongly than i could a couple of weeks ago. The attunement process was really beautiful the way that Bronia (my Reiki Master and lovely friend) set it out. We have a really lovely 15 minute meditation to the sound of the Eternal Om (my favourite sound to meditate to) and then we had our attunement under Bronias cherry tree with all her prayer flags hanging from in and the sun was shining and the birds were tweeting so it felt so open and powerful.
Now that i have been given 2nd Degree Reiki I plan on spending some time getting used to it myself before i actively use it so i have started a 21 day healing process for myself. I did this with 1st Degree Reiki and it isn't strictly necessary again but I do feel that its important to heal myself before i try to work with people or animals with this powerful energy and if i spend the time working with the energy myself it will ultimately make me a much stronger healer.
So i started my 21 day process on saturday and immediately got a blocked nose and now have a bit of a sore throat and swollen glands but that is what happened when i did this 2 years ago when i did my Reiki 1st degree but i am hoping that i will recover quicker than i did last time.
During my 21 day process i will give my self a full Reiki healing session at night before i go to sleep - i do usually fall asleep before i have finished but since my Intention is to heal myself that is what i will continue to do in my sleep so it all works well! I have also learned how to send distance healing so i have been sending distance healing to my past to heal issues that i have continued to carry with me into my future and hopefully this process will allow me to let go of some of these issues so i can heal and move on. I do think that 21 days may not be enough to heal some of the shite that has gone on in my life and stays with me but i am making a good start!
i will share more details of Reiki in my next blog to hopefully help you understand this wonderful energy.
suz
xxx
So Reiki 2nd Degree - this is practitioner level which means i can charge a client for my services. The funny thing about all of the therapies i am now qualified to work in and charge for i haven't charged a thing for yet. I just don't believe that this is why i have been sent on this journey. I believe there is another purpose for all of my spiritual learning and qualifying in so many therapies - is it my learning and healing myself or is there a bigger picture that i am just not seeing yet? I don't know but i am loving the learning and how it makes me feel and think. Reiki is a way of using the amazing Universal energy that is around us - Rei means Universal and Ki means Life Force Energy and the different levels allow you to get used to using this amazing tool that we can all access. Reiki 1st Degree was an attunement that got you used to feeling the energy but you don't get any of the symbols to use at this point although i was lucky enough that my sister shared the power symbol with me which i use for protection. Reiki 2nd Degree you are given 3 symbols which i will explain more about in another blog as i need to take the time to explain how each of them work and also how they can all be used together.
I feel blessed to be attuned to Reiki 2nd Degree and now can feel the energy much more strongly than i could a couple of weeks ago. The attunement process was really beautiful the way that Bronia (my Reiki Master and lovely friend) set it out. We have a really lovely 15 minute meditation to the sound of the Eternal Om (my favourite sound to meditate to) and then we had our attunement under Bronias cherry tree with all her prayer flags hanging from in and the sun was shining and the birds were tweeting so it felt so open and powerful.
Now that i have been given 2nd Degree Reiki I plan on spending some time getting used to it myself before i actively use it so i have started a 21 day healing process for myself. I did this with 1st Degree Reiki and it isn't strictly necessary again but I do feel that its important to heal myself before i try to work with people or animals with this powerful energy and if i spend the time working with the energy myself it will ultimately make me a much stronger healer.
So i started my 21 day process on saturday and immediately got a blocked nose and now have a bit of a sore throat and swollen glands but that is what happened when i did this 2 years ago when i did my Reiki 1st degree but i am hoping that i will recover quicker than i did last time.
During my 21 day process i will give my self a full Reiki healing session at night before i go to sleep - i do usually fall asleep before i have finished but since my Intention is to heal myself that is what i will continue to do in my sleep so it all works well! I have also learned how to send distance healing so i have been sending distance healing to my past to heal issues that i have continued to carry with me into my future and hopefully this process will allow me to let go of some of these issues so i can heal and move on. I do think that 21 days may not be enough to heal some of the shite that has gone on in my life and stays with me but i am making a good start!
i will share more details of Reiki in my next blog to hopefully help you understand this wonderful energy.
suz
xxx
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