I try deliberately not to remember the anniversaries of the deaths of people and animals that have passed through my life. I think we as humans hang on to these anniversaries as a way of holding on to our grief which I think we think we need to hold on to.
My little sister died 31 years ago but I don't automatically know how many years ago it was she died. I have to stop and work it out. I also, most of the time, allow the 6th February (her death date) and 8th April (her birth date) to pass by without event because these dates are not scarred into my brain.
I had a great friend who died on 11th July nearly 11 years ago and last summer I got a text from a friend of this friend saying they were having a get together as it was 10 years since Alistair had died. I didn't go because I was working but also why do we have to wait exactly 10 years and only have a drink on the date that he died? can't we just have a drink any time and raise a glass to the big man?! I find this side of human thought a weird one - where does it come from that we have to mark the anniversaries of births and deaths and be happy and sad on each of those occasions?
Having a birthday on 26th December I prefer to keep a low profile and get over my hangover from christmas day than to have a big celebration. When I had my 40th birthday celebrations I had it a month after my birthday - many thought this was weird but the date actually doesn't mean anything to me - of course I wanted to celebrate being 40 and fabulous (well ok maybe an old fabulous!) but I didn't HAVE to do it on my actual birth date.
This week anniversaries of deaths were brought to mind for me as I saw a Facebook link to a thing about how loyal dogs are and it reminded me that Poppy, the last of my old dogs, died 2 years ago on 1st April. I had missed her anniversary by a day which when you think about it that date should be scarred in my brain as its April fools day but I just don't hold that kind of information in my brain and the fact she died two years ago on Monday is not what is important, what is important is what we had when she was alive.
My big sister has this incredible memory for everyone's birthdays, anniversaries, death dates etc etc but I just don't - weird isn't it how two people with the same DNA can be so different.
So when you don't get a birthday card from me, don't worry its not that I don't wish you a happy birth date its just not how my brain functions and huge apologies in advance if I miss the anniversary of your death date!!! and apologies again if I forget to be sad on the anniversary of the day you died!
So the reason for writing about this in my blog is to say, don't hold dates of the sad things that happen in life - its a waste of gigabite space in the old memory bank. Please remember the happy good times with that person/friend/soulmate/dog/cat/chicken/sheep etc etc now that is a much better use of the memory bank and being able to draw on and reflect on those memories no matter the date or the year is a very special thing to do.
suzxxx
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