Positive Things Happen to Positive People...

Have any of you read The Secret?  Its funny, I read it and as I read it I felt I already new everything that was in the book.  Now we can know it all but putting it into practice is so much harder!

I had a very spiritual experience around the words "Positive Things Happen to Positive People"!  Now those who know me know I have LOTS of ghost stories to tell - I have had lots of 'experiences' with the other side - but this story isn't really about ghosts - or may be it is but I think of it more of my Guardian Angels and Spirit Guides agreeing with me and letting me know that they agreed!

So to the story....

3 years ago - the anniversary is only a couple of weeks away - I was producing a short film called Saved which was a Creative Scotland and BBC Scotland funded short film.  We only had a budget of £11k so a tiny amount of money to achieve our script.  Prep went well and we had 2 12 year old kids chosen as our stars who are great wee actors.  On day one we had 22 young children as background extras in the school bus - and as many of you will remember the 1st November 3 years ago was when we headed into one of the worst winters to hit Scotland for 15 years and of course it started snowing.  Day one was not too bad and we got through it as the snow was not too heavy but by day 2 Cumbernauld our shooting location was getting deeper under snow and everyone was looking to me as the producer to make the decision to call it a day or to keep going - as all my wonderful crew realised that day is that I do not give up on anything easily and I dragged them willing or not through the whole of the shoot!  I am sorry its just a bit of snow!!! We dug ourselves into our locations and we dug ourselves out of locations.  We lost locations because we couldn't even get 4 wheel drives into them so I went off and found new locations - some of them I never was able to get permission from because they were not home, SORRY, but I did try!  There were crew who couldn't get through the weather and I filled in for them but there were so many crew who did make it and picked up a shovel and started either digging us in or digging us out.  We had trouble from the locals and while the security guard hid behind the camera truck, I talked the youths out of throwing ice bombs at my crew as they packed up the camera kit.  This wee short film was a true test of my resilience, grit and determination.

It was on Day 4 of a 5 day shoot with some of the worst weather - the M8 was closed because of ice on the motorway - that my location manager called me in hysterics saying we couldn't get into cumbernauld because of a jack-knifed lorry.  I ask if there were other roads open into Cumbernauld and in the locations managers panic she started telling me that we weren't going to get in and we should all be allowed to go home - it was at this point I tried to calm her down and tell her that everything would be fine and there is more than one road into Cumbernauld and I did understand it was difficult on the roads because of the weather BUT it wasn't impossible.  I said to her "Come on positive things happen to positive people"!  She didn't believe me and after we said goodbye on the phone I repeated my Mantra "POSITIVE THINGS HAPPEN TO POSITIVE PEOPLE".  At that point my radio starting turning up and was turned to full pelt - Kylie Minogue, I should be so lucky! - I didn't have a car with one of those fancy steering wheel radio controls and as I looked at the radio surprised that it had suddenly started blasting out as it was on quiet as I was on my handsfree, I moved my hand towards the  radio control but something stopped my hand from turning down the music - it was weird - it was like a forcefield between my hand and the radio making me acknowledge my statement and 'I Should Be So Lucky'.

Something stopped me from switching Kylie down and by doing that it made me acknowledge what I had just said - Positive Things Happen To Positive People.

Its true - I dragged my crew, some willing, some not so, through our wee short film and it has done very well on the festival circuit winning some awards - for those interested here is a clip http://vimeo.com/channels/420075/22835788

That moment of being physically stopped by some amazing spiritual/angel guide from turning my radio down has stayed with me and 3 years later I have a great belief that being positive is the only way to make things happen in your life.

I have realised more and more in the last few years that I am surrounded by people who just don't have it in them to thing positively and I have noticed that lots of not so good things happen to them - they seem to manifest bad things with their gloom on life.  I want to shake these people and make them realise that actually by turning your thoughts by just 1 degree to being positive you can make a tiny bit of difference to your own life and those of others.

I have lived part of my life being one of those negative people - when you can only see that shit is coming and why would anything good happen but I have turned this around and feel so blessed to have what I have and I say THANKYOU a lot to the Universe - it has never failed to deliver if it is something that is right for me.

If you REALLY want something then go and get it - don't be scared or don't think you are good enough just go and get it.  Manifest it, imagine yourself doing it and that is what will happen.  If you really want it then as the Universe to help - the Universe LOVES it when you ask for help - especially when it is for something that you really really want.

NEVER doubt and always believe in what you want, its the ONLY way forward!

Good luck!

suzxxx

Always push yourself out of your comfort zone....

Have I spent my whole life pushing myself out of my comfort zone?  No I haven't.  But have I more than occasionally pushed outside of my comfort zone?  ABSOLUTELY!  As I get older I keep pushing and pushing and pushing or may be its because I am in search of answers to my many questions that makes my keep pushing and pushing and pushing.

I think by pushing out of my nice safe place within my body and mind I am becoming a better person (some of you may disagree!!) - I have become more patient, more tolerant, more willing to listen, more willing to learn and more willing to allow myself to breathe.

There is a book called 'Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway' by Susan Jeffers http://www.susanjeffers.com/home/detailtemplate.cfm?catID=2234 (cut and paste the link if it doesn't work).

The book is available second hand on Amazon for 49p so no excuse not to have read it for those of you on a journey of self development!

It is a brilliant book where she states there are no right and wrong answers just the opportunity to grow.

By pushing our own boundaries we open ourselves up to so much the World and Universe has to offer.

If we go way back to when I was 17 years old, if I had stayed within my comfort zone I would have taken a full time job at the local supermarket that was offered and never dreamt of leaving my home town and jumping on the London Bus on my own  to go and find work in the city where the streets are paved in Gold (hmmm that bit is a myth!).  So taking a modern twist on this some 26 years later, if I had stayed within my comfort zone I would NEVER have gone to South America on my own.  Everyone I talk to about it is usually either shocked that I did this amazing trip as a lone female who wasn't able to speak Spanish or they are in total admiration with a tinge of jealousy as they would love to do something similar but would feel fearful to travel on their own because 'something might happen to them'.

Was I worried about my trip and what might happen to me - yes, occasionally in moments of doubt about my own mortality of course I worried about 'what might happen if...' but I have become a great believer in Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.

My Ayahuasca Ceremony is probably proof that I pushed my comfort zone a bit too far - I still haven't written in my blog my full feelings on what happened during the 5 hours of the ceremony and the days, weeks and months after this but I am getting closer to being able to, you will all be pleased to hear!!  I really struggled to cope for the first half of this ceremony - having pushed my body, soul and conciousness beyond what they were ready to accept but fortunately they all caught up with me so I had 2 and a half hours of beautiful resolution.

When I tell others the tale of my Ayahuasca Ceremony I again see the disbelief that I did this on my own just with a Shaman in the middle of the Amazon jungle and again some people have total admiration at my madness.  People look agast and say to me "But you could have died!"  Yes that is true but if you are not fearful of death (my Buddhist beliefs take over here and that is definitely a different longer blog!) then why would that stop you from doing anything?

I see in some of these people that they would LOVE to do something like this - seeing my act as completely Courageous and that there was NO WAY they could do anything like that because they are not Courageous - I tell these people to FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY!!  Its not about Courage, its about pushing your own boundaries which help to make yourself a better person who will then be able to deal with the life we feel we have been dealt in a better/different way.

Another book that has been instrumental in my self development is Who Moved My Cheese by Spencer Johnson http://www.spencerjohnson.com/Book-WhoMovedMyCheese.html (cut and paste if the link doesn't work).

I am 43 years old and there are many times in this Life (and many of my other lives - but thats going back to my Buddhist believes!) that my Cheese has been moved - sometimes by myself but usually by other people.  I like to think I have become a very adaptable person who, when change happens, goes with the flow, although there has definitely been a few FUCK YOU within my adaptations!  Definitely in the last 4 years since I started my "journey" I have been hugely adaptable when my Cheese has been moved.  Do I moan that yet again my Cheese has been moved - FUCK YEAH! But I have, over the years, spent less time moaning and more time adapting and getting on with it.

So my advice to you is Feel the Fear - the best bit of all of this is when you Feel the Fear but say Fuck It and do it anyway!  Oh that brings me to the Fuck It Guides - a brilliant trio of books - could not have got to where I am in life today without this trio of brilliant books by John Parkin - go to the website and do the Fuck It Test http://www.thefuckitlife.com (again cut and paste if the link doesn't work).  John is brilliant, amazing and so perceptive.  I aspire to making The Trainee Healer book as funny, as interesting and as huge a learning experience as John's books are.

suzxxx

Playing catch up and need some help from the Universe...

Okay huge apologies to my regular readers who have missed my blogging ramblings!!! Its been a busy time and also I have to have something happen for me to want to update my blog and I am not sure I have had anything interesting to say.

I wanted to share that I have asked the Universe for help in getting all the shite done that I need to do before December!  I have 3 Bach flower remedy human case studies which are done but i need to type up and send in but 2 of them are brain busters and need a lot of thought as I type them up so have been putting them off.

Along with that I have my EFT Case studies to do - one was on myself and my work on getting my confidence back with riding horses and anyone who has read my blog when I was travelling in South America knows that EFT certainly worked to help me but need to type that up and have 2 other case studies, one nearly ready to type up and the other I just had my first session with the client on Sunday so still a bit of work to do there.

My Animal Bach flower remedies course I need to type up 10 consultation meetings into some kind of coherent professional field study along with a personal assessment.

I now have 6 case studies and 5 assignments to finish in the next 5 months for my Equine Healing.

I will now have a huge amount of books to get through for my Equine Behaviour qualification which I am doing and also a huge field study that lasts 6 months.

I also have my colour therapy case studies which are sitting completely untouched as everything else has taken priority.

Wholly fuck when you write it down it is a lot of work to do and along with all my real work that pays the bills I am going to be more than busy for the next few months.

So I am asking the Universe to help me - I need focus, energy and some kind of spark to get me pushed on and get me finishing up everything - my flower remedy work is so important to me that that will come first then EFT and then Equine Healing and then my Equine Behaviour but it really is all a little over whelming.

Have I taken too much on - probably!!! Do I wish I hadn't done so many courses - NO!  I have learnt so much and grown so much as a person because each course has helped me on my own self development journey but its time to get the head down and get on with it all!

I attended an EFT mentoring group on Saturday in Edinburgh which was brilliant and has got me all excited about EFT again (Emotional Freedom Technique)  its so simple and it really works!  so pushing on with those case studies which have to be in by December otherwise I will have to do the whole course again.

Although in saying that my Bach Flower Remedies for humans is so over due and is due in at christmas too and if I don't get that in I have to sit the exam again - no F*cking way I want to have to do that again.

So as you can see I took too much on but with the help of the universe creating time and motivation for me i will get it all done and pass everything and get all my certificates before Christmas!

Watch this space.....

suzxxx

When Animals Heal Other Animals and then talk to humans....

If I hadn't witnessed this myself I would have thought it not possible for my cat Finnley to be lying next to a baby Thrush!  I had been pottering around at my pond and turned round to see Finnley sitting with this baby Thrush - Milli my killer cat was sitting there too at the beginning but as I approached she moved towards me as if to stop me going any further.  I sat down a couple of feet away and for more than 30 minutes I watch Finn give healing to this baby Thrush.  

I could see the baby thrush closing its eyes and taking the universal energy deep within itself.  This wee bird was loving every second of this healing and Finn, my big black buddha, was just so amazing.  I know when Finn is healing as he taps the end of his tail up and down - the way a cat does when it is annoyed but finnley does his whole tail when he is annoyed and only the tip when he is healing.

What an amazing healer he is - at one point he leant forward and touched his nose to the head of the thrush and the thrush just sat there looking up at him continuing to absorb the universal energy.

I began to worry that the Thrush had may be flown into the conservatory window and was stunned but it was quite far away from the window and was on its feet and at moments when there was movement around it would open its eyes and look around.

My friend FJ who had just arrived back from riding climbed over the fence to see what I was looking at and she took these amazing photos - it truly was like watching a miracle happen, we both felt it.

While sitting watching this happen I was thinking about the day before where I got a call on location to go and help a 'sparrow' that was trapped in the piano room at the house we were shooting in.  

I arrived with the Unit Manager and looked around and finally spotted a baby robin sitting on a stool under a desk.  I asked the unit manager to open a window and then to leave me with the bird - I planned on trying what my good friend and animal communicator does with spiders - she actually talks them into the plastic tub so she can put them outside!!  I witnessed her doing it so I thought I might be able to do this with the wee baby robin.  

After the unit manager left I started to heal and let the baby robin feel the energy which would allow us to communicate.  The birdy was a bit confused to start with and didn't really understand how it had got into the house or how it could get out so I talked to it gently and explained that the window was open and all it needed to do was to fly out of the window and it would be free to go and find its mother.  It took 15 mins before eventually the robin realised what it needed to do and it dropped to the floor from its position on top of the light and then flew up and out of the window.  

So as I watched this baby bird with my big cat I wonder what the message was - my shaman Adrian told me that my guardians would send me messages in the form of other beings so just like the millepede I wondered what the message was.  At this point Finn got up from his healing spot and came over to me so I thought the Thrush would then fly off but it turned towards me and looked me straight in the eye and said 'write the book'.  Where the fuck did that come from I asked and the wee birdy continued to look at me and said again 'write the book, we were all fledglings but eventually we have to fly'.  Thats the kind of message you get in those buddhist cards on Facebook! How amazing to get this message.  Yep I have been fannying around and not writing the book although I keep remembering stories that I must remember to include in The Trainee Healer book but never actually have sat down to even think about writing it.  I don't know where to start is part of the problem but I suppose starting at the beginning would be a good start and I think that was part of the message from the baby birds - start at the beginning just as they are!

After the Thrush delivered its message, it flew off into the trees fully energised from his big black buddha healing session.

I thanked the baby Thrush, Finnley and Milli for allowing me to be part of that whole experience and have new determination to sit down and start writing from the beginning - wish me luck!!! suzxxx

What does joy feel like?

I received a newsletter from Sulas Therapies www.sulastherapies.co.uk -

Roushan from Sulas Therapies is my EFT and Bach Flower remedies for humans teacher and in her newsletter she asked as part of a competition to email her and let her know what brings me joy.  I had to really think about that which really surprised me as I thought I would be able to answer that straight away.  Of course I can come up with the smart answer and could have emailed back to say "receiving your newsletter brings me joy"!! but I was actually slightly perplexed that I could not put my finger on exactly what brings me joy.  I thought that I would say that healing animals brings me joy - but does it really?  It makes me really happy to be able to help animals but does it really make me joyful?

I would have thought that I could say that walking in my woods would make me joyful but actually walking in my woods makes me feel lucky.

I absolutely would have thought I would say that cuddling my animals would make me feel joyful but thinking about that it isn't joy I feel but a complete wholeness and happiness that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside but that isn't joy.

I love feeding the fish in my pond and really look forward to the evening when I feed them and watch them and since I started with 4 rescued gold fish and now have hundreds I feel blessed to be able to watch them but again its not joy I feel but really happy to be able to watch the fish feed and grow in numbers as the years go by.

I definitely would have said that I would have felt joy whenever I get to see my best friend as we live 3000 miles away from each other so we don't get to catch up as often as most best friends do but when I think about when we do meet we are full of fun, love and laughter but is it joy that I feel when I see my best friend?  I am beginning to think that I really don't know what feeling joy is!

The description on google is that joy is an intense and especially ecstatic or exultant happiness - so I started to think through when I have felt exultant happiness - I certainly felt moments of sheer bliss when I was travelling in South America but was it exultant happiness?   Ok may be I can pin point joy to Macchu Piccu and also cantering handsfree on a beautiful horse in Argentina and arriving to the top of the mountains on horseback on Chile and looking around and all I could see were the Andes mountains for miles and miles - ok now I am getting it and beginning to understand the feeling of ecstatic or exultant happiness!

I have to admit I thought I was more joyful in my normal daily life as I do feel very blessed and lucky to have what I have and to be able to do everything that I do but exultant happiness isn't something that enters my life on a daily basis.  I reckon many people out there will feel the same as me - do you know what joy actually feels like?  It has taken me 24 hours of thinking about it to be able to put it into words in this blog.

I feel slightly sad that I wasn't able to pin point immediately the joy in my life but what a great thought process to go through - enjoy your thought process.....

suzxxx

A year ago....

If you follow my blog regularly then you will know that I am not one for anniversaries of deaths but a year ago yesterday I helped a beautiful old horse on his last night and morning on this earth.

Of course I didn't remember the anniversary as I generally don't hold onto that information but I was reminded by my very good friend who was Brummells guardian.  She sent me a lovely email thanking me for helping her and Brummell through that time and sent this beautiful picture of him.

It is so lovely that my friend has said thank you but I don't need thanks, I learnt so much about healing from my experience that evening and the next morning that I will always be eternally grateful to Lindsay and Brummell for letting me be part of that time and allowing me to be there with them.

Brummell was very accepting that this was his time although grateful for the life that he had had.  He showed me pictures of himself and Lindsay as they took part in cross country events - he LOVED those times so much but knew that his back legs had been failing him for so long and now his front legs were struggling - in mind and the rest of his body he felt like a cheeky wee youngster so it was hard for him to accept that his time had come but as I arrived to give him healing he knew he was ready.

When I arrived and approached Brummells stall he stretched his neck and put his head over my shoulder and pulled my body towards him.  He held me firmly like that for at least 10 minutes.  It was acknowledgement from him that he recognised my energy and knew I had been sending him healing.  It was a moment that confirmed to me that I am on the right path and that I am a good healer and that I can make a difference in this world.

We then spent 2 beautiful hours together that night, I was in his stable healing as he would present various parts of his body to me to concentrate on with Lindsay looking on, absorbing the healing herself.  The next morning was an early start and although I was feeling very emotional about what was ahead I knew I had to be strong.

Thank you so much to my lovely cousin Neomi who put me up in Fife that night and did her best to distract me with lots of fun chat and laughter.

When I arrived the next morning Lindsay was already there with Brummell - she was in his stall with him so I stood a distance away and healed from there - this was their time.  I asked for all my spirit guides, human and animal, to surround Brummell and Lindsay in beautiful healing white light and asked them to send the strength for us all to get through this experience.  Lindsay then took Brummell out for a walk in the field with the long grass where he had a good attempt at chomping some of it even though he didn't have any teeth left!  I watched from the gate as they enjoyed their last time in this life together.  The sun came out and shone brightly.

Then it was time - Lindsay's mum had come to collect her as she didn't want to be there at the final moment knowing that this would be far to stressful to bear.  The universe knew that I had to wait and learn more in this lesson and my car was blocked in by the vehicle of the people who had come to put Brummell to sleep so as I watched Brummell being led into the barn and the door being closed I knew that I was just waiting for the huge bang of a gun - I closed my eyes and asked all of my guardians to come closer and to surround Brummell and to hold him and then help him gently to the ground as I heard the noise that wasn't what I expected - it wasn't a big bang of a gun instead a softer bang.  Brummell had left his failing body and was heading off to discover what his new life would be.

I left the stables and was heading to my sisters house when I got a call from Lindsay to say to come over to her house so I headed there knowing that is where I needed to be.  We chatted, laughed and cried - it reminded me of how everyone behaved after my little sister died - no one really knowing what to do with the emotions they felt so everything spilling out at the same time.

I then headed to my big sisters house where I had a bit of a meltdown - holding the space so that Brummell and Lindsay could have their last time together was tough but I wouldn't have changed it for the world and thank you to my big sister for hugging me and listening as I tried to speak whilst sobbing!

That night and morning with Brummell and Lindsay confirmed to me that I am a good strong healer and that I need to continue my work and I have since then specialised in bereavement healing.  Dealing with bereavement has been part of my life for the past 31 years and because I know that you can't just accept and move on from the pain of someone or a pet dying I think that makes me a better and stronger person and I want to help other people feeling the same as I have done and still do to understand that its ok to feel the grief for as long as we need to and not to be pressured to get over it.

suzxxx

Working with the Amazing Horse Energy

I have just spent 4 days on my Equine Healing Diploma Course.  I LOVED being with the horses!  I have been drawn to horses since I was very small and can still remember Christmas when I was 12 years old and I was given a riding hat, a pair of jodpurs, a pair of riding boots and a whip (never used of course!).  I was so excited that I was going to actually ride a horse!

At my first lesson I got on my riding school pony and I flung my arms around her neck (her name was Lady) and hugged her as if she was my very own pony.  She was such a wee sweet heart although she loved to run up the back of the other ponies making them kick out!

I learnt so much in those lessons that stood me in good stead for riding into my adult life - I remember all the fun pony club games like riding whilst standing on the saddle - I have no idea how I managed to do that as there is NO WAY I would try that now - although whilst in Argentina in January I did canter hands free and I thought that would never happen so never say never!!

The relay races were my favourite - I loved cantering like a loony to pass the baton on.  I came from those days with a huge love of horses but also a great understanding and up until I was 30 I would ride any horse in any circumstance - bareback, jumping, cross country, galloping with a loony horse called mulder down on the beach - all of those things i took in my stride until when I was 31 I went to trial ride at the International League for Protection of Horses in Aberdeen and was looking to take an ex race horse called Cigaro home - he was a big beautiful bay gelding (boy horse with his bits chopped!) with a pin in one of his front legs from a jumping injury - they said he would never jump again but he would be a fab horse for hacking out and that was what I was looking for.  So I got on him but for the first time in my 18 year riding history I was riding a horse that didn't have a Martingale - not sure if it was part of my test but I failed!

A Martingale stops the horse from raising its head high up which can unbalance you and the horse.  So Cigaro didn't have a martingale which made it harder to control him as he did lift his head high and when I tried to bring his head down he would fight against me and over a period of 30 minutes we fought with each other until he would go into fast canters that I kept bringing him in from but then everytime we went into a corner of the riding arena in trot he would transfer straight into canter and he would get faster and faster until we were so fast I lost control and as we careered across the school and were heading to the side wall at high speed I made the decision to exit so I half fell and half jumped off, bouncing on the soft sand in the school.  I wasn't injured but I have spent the last 12 years trying to get back the confidence I had that led me to riding Cigaro in the first place.

I tried going back for lessons but just ended up in tears knowing that my life of riding was over - I was devastated as I was so ready to have my own horse.  I still wanted to be around horses though so have spent the last 10 years visiting friends horses and helping my neighbour with hers when she needs help so I have kept my hand in.

It was 2 years ago on my trek from Nepal into Tibet that I began to learn that I could ride again and that I would get my confidence back - it was on the back of a beautiful little mountain pony called Ginger who took me up some of the most terrifying mountain paths that I learnt to trust horses again.

Since then I have pushed myself forward, with the help of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) which really helped get me over my fear and I have been riding regularly for the last 18 months and made it my mission to ride in each country on my travels through south america and I am so glad I did as this has now lead me to my year of horse learning!

I have now started my Equine Healing Diploma with Elizabeth Whiter who I did my Small Animal Healing Diploma with and also my Natural Animal Food Remedies course.

The last 4 days have been extraordinary, I have worked with ex race horses and future show jumping champions along with pet pony's and horses that are just good hackers.  All of them had the most amazing energy.  They have such a high vibrational energy although the feeling from each horse does range from being very grounded to those that are really not that grounded at all.  We got to work with old horses and young horses.  It really was a fantastic experience.

Horses themselves have such a great healing energy that it is so nice to work with the horses that are happy and well balanced - healing for them is just like have a nice massage for us - we are maintaining our bodies rather than dealing with any specific emotional issues.

I am so looking forward to getting started on my case studies and working with my friends horses and seeing how I can help make their life a bit easier and from September I start my Equine Behaviour Qualification which will be pretty full on - I am a bit rubbish at all the science stuff but I am so interested in horse behaviour I hope I will thrive on the course and my brain will be made to work in ways that it is just not used to!

I am looking forward to making a difference in the lives of the horses that I know but also hoping that I can do a bit of horse rescue work too.  I may have the opportunity to go to Egypt in January to work with ACE who are a charity that treat the working horses and donkeys for free.  We watched a video from the visit last year and although there are some really harrowing stories the volunteers who went out were able to make a big difference in a short time.

I can't wait to continue my work with these amazing animals with the most amazing energy!

suzxxx

If at first you don't succeed try, try again.

So four spiders in as many days has me looking into what message from my guardians I am supposed to be receiving!

Adrian my lovely Shaman who I spent my first day at Macchu Piccu with had told me that my guardians will appear in the form of living beings to give me messages and at the point he said that a huge millipede crossed the path of where we had buried our offering to Mother Earth and he looked at me and said "you have many feet and will travel" well he was right about that, I think I have been away from home more this year than I have been in it - I should own Easyjet with the amount of flights I have done since I got back from South America.

Anyway last Wednesday morning at 4am I felt a tickle on my back which woke me up but I thought it was just my hair until I felt it again and I shot out of my bed - I had a long eight legged friend in my bed!  so after she was despatched safely outside I went back to my bed.  The next day I woke up at 6am to find a little black sturdy spider about 2 inches from my head on the wall above my bed - again she was dispatched safely out onto the deck, the same day but in the evening I was sitting having a glass of wine out on the deck which is just outside the bedroom with my laptop on my lap a little funny spider with different shaped legs walked over the top of my laptop - so after 3 of them I have to ask what is the message and started to do some google research.

Lots of websites say its about creativity and strength but I didn't think it was that - I am being creative and strong every day!  It was my friend who said what about Rabbie Burns - he wrote about a spider so of course I looked up his poem and of course the message to Robert the Bruce as he watched the spider try to build its web was that if at first you don't succeed try and try until you do.  Robert the Bruce then went on to batter the English at Bannockburn.

So where in my life is this message relevant?  I have thought about this and of course I live my life by this moto - I never give up and always keep going until I succeed so I can't think why this message would be for me until one of the lovely ladies pointed it out to me today when I got a message from my Guardian Angel in the meditation we did today on the Equine Healing course.  The message was of course - If at first you don't succeed try try again - but this meditation showed me the image of me falling off a horse but also being surrounded by unicorns who helped make my landing a soft one.

When I fell off Oliver a month ago I hurt my back but only the bit of my back that is usually sore and really it could have been so much worse as he is so big and also I got my foot caught in the stirrup so was dragged for a wee bit.  I know my guardians protect me at all times so know I got of lightly because they were watching me - although why they couldn't have stopped oliver bucking I don't know - that would have been the best use of their time to be honest!!!

Anyway I am determined not to spend 10 years of my life not riding again just because I fell off and I am determined to get back on and ride as much as I can but I haven't yet and a month has passed so I think that my guardians have been sending me spiders to remind me that you have to keep trying and eventually I will lose my 'hot seat' and horses will stop throwing me!!!

The forth spider with a message appeared at my friend Donna's house when I visited her on Friday night down south while I was on my Equine Healing course.  She asked me to ask him to leave and I explained that he looked quite happy - he was one of those big brown ones with up and down legs - the ones that run really fast if you disturb them!!  anyway I wasn't willing to move him as he had already lost a leg and I didn't want to hurt him so Donna went to get our other friend Alison who is an animal communicator - OMG - she is amazing!  She sat and talked to the spider for about 5 minutes and the next thing this spider was jumping into the plastic tub we had for it so we could put it outside.  It was amazing to watch and just shows that if we ask sometimes we get!  Alison is apparently well known for asking spiders to do her bidding and frequently jump into plastic bowls and allow themselves to be removed.  AMAZING!  I generally don't spend that much time with the spiders when they are in the house - a quick apology for what is about to happen which is usually them being tossed into a plastic bowl using a piece of card and then put outside and the door closed very quickly behind!

So I take my message from my guardians appearing as spiders and say thank you - I will keep trying until I succeed and as far as i am concerned this means until I have my own horse - which I will definitely have in the next year or so - I have waited 43 years to have my own horse and I know the wait is nearly over.

My message back to my guardians is - please don't send me spiders again!!! I am scared of them!!!  I can deal will millipedes so send me a few of those big beasties!!!

So look out for the messages from your guardians, they are not always whispered in our ears or given to us by Psychics - they can appear in physical form when we least expect it!

suzxxx

The day I started to believe in Conscious Medicine

My sister has for a long time talked about Conscious Medicine - if you have  liver complaint its because you are storing Anger, if you have Diabetes it could be you have a control issue etc etc.  I believed what she said but didn't really understand it and how it could be possible but I was recently reading Louise Hay's book You Can Heal Your Life and had read the list of ailments and what emotion it relates to.  There was interesting one that said Black Heads are small outbursts of anger, well I never get spots or black heads and I had just had 3 all on the right side of my face and I can relate these to 3 out bursts of anger when I was on my most recent job.  Isn't that a bit weird!

Then yesterday I had lunch with a friend of mine who has been having a tough time, her husband left her and their 2 kids and has taken her for every penny she has so to be fair she feels a lot of rejection, anger and frustration around this.  My friend has just recovered from Pancreatitis which was caused by a Gallstone passing.  At lunch we talked about Louise Hay's book and the potential meaning of the illness that my friend had just been through - she herself recognised that Gall and Bile were words that she would associated with her split from her husband and these words, of course, directly relate to her illness.

So I went home at the end of the day and pulled out Louise's book and read about Pancreatitis and Gall Stones and this is what it said:

Pancreatitis:

Rejection.  Anger and frustration because life seems to have lost its sweetness.

Gallstones:

Bitterness. Hard thoughts. Condemning. Pride

It is so accurate to how my friend has been feeling and how she has held on to all her rejection, anger and frustration and this has made her ill.

This directly relates to my learning of the Dr Bach Flower Remedies, although the remedies do not directly heal disease they do help you to heal the emotions that have caused that disease.

Now I really really believe Dr Bach was correct in his work which is to find the emotion that might cause disease and work on that.

Last night I started to read a book on Conscious Medicine and it talks about many different healing techniques that they class as Conscious Medicine.  EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) is one of these healing techniques.  The Book tells some stories about how EFT has really help change sick people into happy healthy people.  Now I have done my 3 levels of EFT and passed my written exam and just have my 3 cast studies to do I totally get EFT and it has helped me in so many situations - during my Ayauscha ceremony in the jungle I would not have coped if I hadn't been able to tap on my chest - this is now my automatic stress buster using the palm of my hand to tap my chest.  It also works when I am having an asthma attack and waiting for the inhalers to kick in, tapping on my chest helps me to cope and even when I haven't had an inhaler it has really helped to make my asthma symptoms better.

So I do know already that Conscious Medicine does work but it wasn't until reading about my friend and her symptoms and what she has been going through that I realised that I actually believe this to be true and that just Positive Thinking in itself can heal you of many ailments.

Knowing and believing should be the same thing but I think that I knew these things work for me but never made a connection in a way to illnesses in other people.  Now I actually believe the way forward is to work on our emotional issues and that will help us all to feel better.

I wonder if that is why I have been so drawn to the Bach Flower Remedies and EFT rather than other therapies - I really want to work on the emotional level and these two therapies really help me to do this.

suzxxx

Remembering the dead and anniversaries...

I try deliberately not to remember the anniversaries of the deaths of people and animals that have passed through my life.  I think we as humans hang on to these anniversaries as a way of holding on to our grief which I think we think we need to hold on to.

My little sister died 31 years ago but I don't automatically know how many years ago it was she died.  I have to stop and work it out.  I also, most of the time, allow the 6th February (her death date) and 8th April (her birth date) to pass by without event because these dates are not scarred into my brain.

I had a great friend who died on 11th July nearly 11 years ago and last summer I got a text from a friend of this friend saying they were having a get together as it was 10 years since Alistair had died.  I didn't go because I was working but also why do we have to wait exactly 10 years and only have a drink on the date that he died?  can't we just have a drink any time and raise a glass to the big man?!  I find this side of human thought a weird one - where does it come from that we have to mark the anniversaries of births and deaths and be happy and sad on each of those occasions?

Having a birthday on 26th December I prefer to keep a low profile and get over my hangover from christmas day than to have a big celebration.  When I had my 40th birthday celebrations I had it a month after my birthday - many thought this was weird but the date actually doesn't mean anything to me - of course I wanted to celebrate being 40 and fabulous (well ok maybe an old fabulous!) but I didn't HAVE to do it on my actual birth date.

This week anniversaries of deaths were brought to mind for me as I saw a Facebook link to a thing about how loyal dogs are and it reminded me that Poppy, the last of my old dogs, died 2 years ago on 1st April.  I had missed her anniversary by a day which when you think about it that date should be scarred in my brain as its April fools day but I just don't hold that kind of information in my brain and the fact she died two years ago on Monday is not what is important, what is important is what we had when she was alive.

My big sister has this incredible memory for everyone's birthdays, anniversaries, death dates etc etc but I just don't - weird isn't it how two people with the same DNA can be so different.

So when you don't get a birthday card from me, don't worry its not that I don't wish you a happy birth date its just not how my brain functions and huge apologies in advance if I miss the anniversary of your death date!!!  and apologies again if I forget to be sad on the anniversary of the day you died!

So the reason for writing about this in my blog is to say, don't hold dates of the sad things that happen in life - its a waste of gigabite space in the old memory bank.  Please remember the happy good times with that person/friend/soulmate/dog/cat/chicken/sheep etc etc  now that is a much better use of the memory bank and being able to draw on and reflect on those memories no matter the date or the year is a very special thing to do.

suzxxx

Is it ok to have a good time when death surrounds you?

We finished filming yesterday on the commercials I am shooting in Cape Town - a long 9 day slog - but I finally pulled us all through some stressful days and my reward is a day off today so I booked to go Horse riding on the beach and then went off to see the penguins but on arrival at the riding stables the owner told me that there were some dolphins stranded on the beach and that they were all dead, I felt very sad to hear this and was pleased when the owner gave my guide the instruction to keep off the beach until we had passed the dead dolphins, I did not want to see them as I knew it would really upset me.

When we got onto the beach I could see lots of vehicles and people at the edge of the water but couldn't see the dolphins so we cantered a bit in the soft sand until we got to the water front and then we were walking through the small waves when my guide pointed out this big black thing up the beach from where we were and he said that was a dead dolphin - I don't know any species of black dolphin but I am not an expert so took him at his word and was sad for the dead dolphin and felt guilty that I was enjoying the wind blowing through my brain and loving my horse riding.  I was sad but happy at the same time - quite an odd feeling.  I sent healing to the dolphin in the hope that it has a speedy reincarnation to something just as beautiful.

We then passed a surfer that the guide knew and he explained they were actually pilot whales and there were 19 of them and only 4 were dead and their was a huge rescue effort going on to try to save the others, which explained all the vehicles and people.  That explained why the black animal I had looked at didn't look like a dolphin.  I was very sad for the 4 dead animals and sent healing to them and to the 15 that were struggling for life.

By the time I got back from my ride I heard they were thinking of putting the 15 whales onto flat bed trucks and taking them round to the harbour where the water is deeper.  I will continue to send healing in the hope these lovely big whales get back to the water and continue their journey.

So while I was so sad about the whales I loved my ride - it has been about 12 to 13 years since I have ridden on a beach - last time was on a scary loony horse called Mulder!  This time I was on an ex racehorse who had the fastest trot I have ever experience - it took me a good half hour to figure out rising trot on him as he was fast and bouncy!  Then when he cantered it was long fast strides but once I got into the swing of it he was lovely.  He was really responsive to the bit so I only had to give him a tiny bit of pressure for him to slow down.

After riding I headed off to the Crystal store which was huge and brilliant, my suitcase is going to be very heavy on the way back home! and after that I headed to the Penguins - African Penguins are so cute and small, I really wasn't expecting them to be so small but they were cute and there were a few babies but they were the size of the mum but just had grey fluffy feathers.  very cute.

Here is Pingu.....

also here is a wee pic of Mr Naughty as he is called at the hotel, he has taken up residence on my terrace while I have been staying at the hotel - funny how the animals find me or I find them.....

and for the arachnophobics that follow my blog look away now....

Here is a spider the size of my hand, apparently it isn't poisonous but if it bites you it lays its eggs under your skin aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.......

Dealing with Sadness

Arthur, my big beautiful sheep died yesterday afternoon.  Now he was 13 years old so really old in sheep life terms so I shouldn't be sad.  I should be joyous for the 13 years he chose to stay with me and I know that he will be reincarnated and he will find me again, I am sure we have been together in a few lives so we will be together again.

I am working away from home just now so its the worst time to hear that you have lost a loved one but I had to wipe away my tears after the phone call, grit my teeth, pull myself together and get on with my work.  Never in a million years will these people see me cry... they are doing a good job of giving me a kicking on the job and I refuse to give into that behaviour so they cannot see my weakness.

Now I think part of my lesson in this life is to give into weakness but it is just not in my personality so I don't think I will ever learn this lesson.  I will keep coming back life after life and will stand firm sticking out my chin and grit my teeth no matter what.

When my animals die I do try to be positive about the life they have had.  My animals have a 5 star life so they have had the best chance at life you could imagine but it doesn't help with the grief.

I had run out of rescue remedy the other day but desperately needed it so I was lucky that my driver went off to get some more which has helped me a lot today.  Rescue Remedy helps with so many issues and it has Star of Bethlehem for shock and grief which is what I needed and still do.

Mark is digging Arthurs grave and making sure he has a good send off - so sad I can't be there but glad he is being buried on my land.  If he had been put to sleep by the vet I would have had to send him off to the vet college and I wouldn't get him back but when I get home I will be able to meditate at Arthurs grave and help to send him on his way to reincarnation.

So how to deal with such sadness - we need to be able to process our feelings and have the time to let the emotions flow through our bodies - I don't feel I have that chance so I am holding it and expect when I get home next week that I will be able to grieve but grief can last a life time and we have to accept that.  

I think I can get over the sadness and the loss and eventually just think of all the good times with Arthur - he was such a character and so so strong even as a lamb he would have us chasing around trying to catch him for worming or shearing and on his first shearing the generator blew up and he bolted and refused to come in for about 6 months... he wasn't sheared that year and had a big fluffy coat the next year!

Rest In Peace my beautiful big Arthur - you were special to me and thank you for sharing this life with me.  Look forward to seeing you in the next.....

suzxxx

Working with difficult people....

Working with difficult directors has become a bit of a speciality for me over the years.  Most of them you wouldn't know but I did work with Terry Gilliam who was incredibly difficult but I did really enjoy working with him which I shouldn't have.  I wouldn't work with him again as he took so much handling over the 5 months I worked with him I had to lie down for a month afterwards.

I am in South Africa working just now and I am working with a director that on the surface comes across as being really nice but becomes really horrible under the lightest of pressure and stress - I am pretty tough and can take a lot of crap but over the last few weeks it has been really stressful and I have had to take so much shite but I do give back and when I have to deal with people who are rude to me I usually give back the same attitude that I am being given.  I wish I could calmly shut my mouth and accept being treated like shit as I do believe in treating people how you expect to be treated yourself so being rude back to this director isn't how I like to be but I have to retaliate some how, don't I?

So how are we supposed to deal with people like this in life.  I wish I could do my grounding exercises and be bigger than the situations and sometimes I can rise above it but sometimes I just can't let people get away with speaking to me or anyone like that.  The crew I work with will tell you many stories of when I have stepped in to defend them from bullying or rude behaviour.  It is just not acceptable.

One production I worked on the Director was a real bully and couldn't even be bothered to remember the crew's names on a 9 week shoot.  He had been treating the crew really badly and I kept telling the producer he needed to do something about it but the producer was weak but a nice jolly chap so he didn't do anything.  After a few weeks of this behaviour I witnessed the Director viciously screaming at the producing and pointing in her face and telling her she was a fuck up and that she had fucked up his film - now this woman had nearly had a nervous breakdown closing finance on the film and she absolutely did not deserve this treatment.  I told the weak producer to get out there and sort the director out but he just went out and watched the director continue to verbally abuse this producer who was crumbling as every second went by so I got off the Dining Bus, apologising to the crew as what I was about to do was going to get me sacked and I went up the the director and told him that he had no right to speak to anyone that way and that he had to back of and if he didn't I would take my crew and head back to glasgow.  He turned to the two producers and asked if they were going to allow me to speak to him like that - they shrugged their shoulders so he turned to me and started pointed his finger in my face so I told him in no uncertain terms to get his finger out of my face I then turned and walked back to the dining bus to a huge round of applause from the crew.  I didn't do it for the applause but someone needed to step up and stop this bully.

I didn't get sacked as the producer was worried the crew would leave the job so I stayed and the director didn't speak to me for the last 4 weeks - not a great way to work but at least I didn't have to speak to him again and he stopped bullying the crew so what i did worked.

I also left a job last year because of a hysterical lunatic treating my crew like shite and ended up in a huge confrontation because I stepped in between the lunatic and my coordinator.  My coordinator is a really hard worker and very sweet and absolutely didn't deserve the treatment she was getting.

I really don't regret my behaviour in these circumstances but I do wish that I didn't react so badly to this behaviour - if I was calmer in the way I deal with this would I make more impact?  I don't know but one thing I know is that I hate confrontation, I hate having to mirror these idiots behaviour but I am the personality I am and as I get older I probably get worse!

So I suppose even though I wish I could deal with these difficult people in a different way, I have got this far in my career and my life because of the way I deal with these people I just wish there was a less confrontation way of doing it.

I have another couple of weeks working with this difficult director and after that I get to work on a lovely film with lovely people, that god for that!!!

suzxxx